What breaks my heart.

Something that I see more and more these days breaks my heart over and over again. The way that I see women being portrayed in society and the way that they react makes me want to cry. It's so sickening to see how women are objectified and made to feel that they have to look a certain way or that they aren't worth anything. I just spent an hour and a half talking to a girl who has self-esteem issues because of how the world tells her that she needs to act and look. She is a very attractive girl, and yet she feels that she is ugly. She thinks that she needs to put on make-up every morning so that guys will see her as beautiful, and doesn't understand that those guys' opinions don't matter worth a darn. It is terribly upsetting to see a girl who has so many reasons to be happy crying because she doesn't feel like she's even adequate, let alone loveable. She spends hours working on her make-up every morning, goes tanning at least once a week, and works out all so that she can feel like men like her, and then the guys that do notice her only want to get her drunk and use her. I am thankful that she has decided not not have sex before marriage, but she seems to mistake physical closeness with emotional closeness. What she is looking for is a guy who will tell her that she is worthwhile, to say that she is loveable, and she can't get that as long as she believes the lies that the world tells her. It just broke my heart to listen to her talking about how she spends all of this time trying to look good so that she can feel wanted, and then all that happens is she gets drunk and makes out with random guys. And yet she won't change anything because she is so afraid of even losing that pitiful affection that these guys show her, and they don't even show it to her, they show it to her body. They couldn't care less about her as a person, all they want is to have physical relations with her, and they don't give a crap if it causes her any sort of emotional damage. I shared God's love with her, but all she wants is some guy that she can see to make her feel worthwhile. It makes me sick. How can any guy treat a girl that way? What is wrong with us that we care so much about satisfying our own flesh that we don't give a rip if it causes severe psychological damage to someone else?! The sad thing is that this isn't an isolated incident. So many women feel the exact same way, and they just can't comprehend that there is something so much better waiting for them.
This issue came into my mind while we were at Faithwalkers. I met a couple of girls who were very flirtatious, and it got me thinking. I've obviously met flirtatious girls before, but they were always people who knew me, and knew that they would be around me, but that wasn't the case with these girls. One of them just tried to get my attention as she was driving by when we were on the highway, and then sped off when I ignored her. I can't help but feel sorry for her that she is at a point in her life where she feels she has to be attractive to strangers. She knew she would never see me again, and yet she was honking her horn and acting like a complete doofus just to get me to give her a little attention. Another girl who I actually got to meet was a girl who worked at the Burger King at Tan-Tar-a. I went there for lunch one day because I didn't like what was on the menu for the conference, and the girl working the cash register seemed to feel compelled to flirt with me. The last thing I ever want to do to a girl who is speaking to me is to ignore her, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I spoke with her, but it was very obvious to me that she was just trying to play the game, and I was just trying to get my lunch, she even gave me a larger drink than I ordered for no reason at all, other than that she wanted to.
It bothers me to know that these girls, who knew they would never see me again, would spend so much time trying to get my attention for such a short period of time. It bothers me even more that the reason they act that way is because the men who matter in their life aren't giving them the attention that they deserve. There are some girls out there who just want to mess around and have a good time because they think it's fun, but I strongly believe that for the most part the girls who act this way do so because they do not get affection from their fathers or boyfriends. The men who are in their lives are ignoring them, and so they seek this attention in the only way that they know how; by flaunting their bodies and trying to get guys to notice them for the one things that they know we want. They are willing to lose their dignity for just a few moments of attention and physical closeness just because they don't feel loved by theiur fathers or boyfriends. It's sick that we have driven them to that point.
I may not be a woman, but I experienced several similar problems when I was younger. I would constantly be seeking the attention that I wasn't getting from my mother by trying to be in relationships with other girls. My mom didn't make me feel loved, and so the only people I ever spent time with were girls. I wanted to know that I was able to be loved, and so I did so many stupid things just to get the attention of these girls. It's only by the grace of God that I haven't lost my own purity, and i don't blame any of these girls for the troubles they are going through. It breaks my heart to see what is going on in the world that so many women feel unwanted. When I see things like that it almost makes me want the Lord to just come back now and send all of those men who play around with these womens' emotions straight where they belong. I just get so mad at thinking about how badly people can treat eachother. This world is so lost and broken that it is beyond repair by anyone but God, so to him be the glory when even one neglected person comes to know him! To all of you who are reading this, I hope that you feel the love of God so strongly that you will never need to be loved by anyone else, and that you understand that the love of other people is nothing compared to what God feels for you.

Summer of 2009

Up until just a week ago my thought for this summer was that I would stay here in des Moines and do whatever I could to get by for housing, but last Monday an idea popped into my head that I was so sure in that it felt like it had been there for my whole life. Aster this school year is over I am eligible to be a counselor at the bible camp that I went to as a kid, and so I am going to apply there. As of this point I have only recieved positive feedback on this idea, though it is possible that there will be someone who tells me that I should stay. this is a wonderful opportunity for me because I can use it to share the love of God with hundreds of strangers over the course of the summer, and I can't imagine anything that would be a better usage of my time. I would not only get free room and board all summer, but I would also be getting paid more than twice what I am getting at the library. It seems that this idea could be a great thing if i comes to pass, though I won't know until the beginning of March. I can only pray that the Lord will use me as He sees fit and that whatever ends up happening will be His will. My own ideas about the future have been challenged in the last few weeks, and I have no idea where the Lord will take me this summer, let alone the rest of my life. Whether or not he will keep me in Des Moines or have me go somewhere else; or if he will have me continue what I am doing or do some other kind of ministry. All I know for certain is that as long as God loves me I will go where he leads me, and I will live my life for him, at whatever personal cost I am charged.

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

I want to start off with a disclaimer: this is not based on anything going on in my life right now, it's just a reflection on the past.
The title of this posting is Hebrews 13:7, and it's a verse that I think goes very well with this subject.

There comes a time in every person's life that they realize that their mentors are only human. The person that they used to think was infalible proves to be prone to weakness and shows that they are no better than anyone else. This weakness may be something small, such as them getting sick, or something big, like an unflattering secret being told about their lives. When we are young this hero is often one of our parents, but as we grow older it changes to someone else. Possibly our favorite teacher or coach, maybe a professional in the career that we intend to take, or maybe it's someone that just shows great personal strength. Whatever the case, when that person shows a human weakness we often will discard them and look for someone better. We don't realize that we will never be perfect, and so having a mentor who isn't is not a big deal. We can learn so much from the mistakes of the people who teach us, but often we just judge them without realizing that a lot of what they taught us came from lessons they learned based off of their mistakes. There will even be times that we see things in our lives that we can do better than our mentors, and so often we think that that makes us better. It's an issue of pride that Americans deal with on a regular basis. We see one thing that we're good at and make it th basis of our lives. It's like thinking I'm better than my math teacher because I know English better than her. It's so stupid, and yet we do it with everyone, but it mainly hurts how we see our leaders. How will any of us ever learn if we cannot see past the mistakes of others? We can only fully cooperate and work as a team if we understand our own strnegths and weaknesses as well as those of the people around us. I personally have met a lot of people who have talents that I will never possess, but I know that I can do things that they can't do as well. How do you measure musical ability to scientific knowledge to see who is better? You can't, and yet we all do it every day of our lives. I don't understand why it is that we seem incapable of respecting those who struggle with something that isn't an issue for us. One of my favorite teachers in high school was homosexual, which is not something I agree with, and yet he taught me so much more than any of my other teachers when it came to life skills and how to be respectful. I want to point out that I am not talking about tolerance, respect and tolerance are different things. If I can't respect someone because of a flaw that they have it shows a flaw in me just as much as it does in them. Even though I disagree with his lifestyle I can still respect the wisdom that he has gained through the course of his life, and I can learn from it. That doesn't mean that I approve of his choice, just that I respect his wisdom. It's the same with any person and their sins, if I stopped respecting everyone who has told a lie I couldn't learn from anyone, and that would put me in a very pitiable condition.